Love Will Tear Us Apart

Lovesick? Moon struck? Starry eyed? If none of these words describe you in the slightest, and the thought of romance leaves a sour taste in your mouth, then help is at hand

Lovesick? Moon struck? Starry eyed? If none of these words describe you in the slightest, and the thought of romance leaves a sour taste in your mouth, then help is at hand. Love-Scrooges of the world unite, and take comfort in this cultural guide to the worst Valentine's Day ever…

Take your beloved to a play. Harold Pinter's Betrayal is sure to get hearts racing and loins stirring with its agonising dissection of marital infidelity! Traditionalist? You can't go wrong with Romeo and Juliet, the greatest romance of all time that ends in, er, a double suicide.

On the hunt for the perfect gift? Present your paramour with a copy of Raymond Carver's What We Talk About When We Talk About Love and watch them coo. Under no circumstances warn them about the dissonance between the adorable title and the utter romantic misery contained within. Get out the old guitar and sing them a love ballad! Perhaps Death Cab for Cutie's The Sound of Settling, or Paul Simon's 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover

What could be more romantic than writing your partner a Valentine's poem? Some good first lines to start you off: 'When I gaze into your deep blue eyes / The familiar nausea starts to rise,' or 'I swore our love would never end / But I think I fancy your best friend.' Use your imagination!

A trip to an art gallery is always a winner. Impress your date by loudly commenting 'I could have painted that' at regular intervals. Did you know that Birmingham has more miles of canal than Venice? Show your playful side by taking your sweetheart on a romantic canal side stroll, then pushing them in. Everyone loves a kidder!

Pop to the opera and wow your lover by singing along with the cast. Don't worry too much about pitch or tone; volume is really the key here. Express your love by performing an improvised contemporary dance. Wordlessly. For five hours. And finish the night with a slap up meal at Rooster House. Then stick them with the bill.

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Annie Hodson



Published

11th February 2012 at 11:59 am

Last Updated

9th February 2012 at 5:00 pm



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